Trusting God is hard. I had a realization last night as I was talking to someone at church. If it’s not obvious, I have some issues going on right now and it all stems around me seeking God and surrendering to Him. He is leading me to a place that is bigger than myself but I have yet to know where that place is. In the process, I am having to make some tough decisions. These decisions primarily have to do with letting go of things that are important to me. That’s the key, though, they are important to me, not to God. They are good things, but I think they have become my things. God is pushing me to trust Him, totally, and that begins with surrender.
So, this week I have let some stuff go and I’m still not settled with all of it yet, especially the last thing I am giving up. Again, it’s not a bad thing, it’s a very good thing and something I have been working toward for over a year. We are now at the brink of it becoming a reality at church and I pulled myself out of the loop. I wish I could say more, but I’m not ready yet, maybe someday. It may make an interesting book, but right now, I’m still in the middle of it.
Anyway, I was talking to a friend at church and he is impacted by these decisions I have made to let go of some responsibilities and what I realized is that my life would be easier if I just lived it for myself. I have the motivation and drive and vision to make things happen, I can pull things together and lead efforts and all that. If I would just do that, I wouldn’t have to walk away from these things.
But, because I’m seeking God, He is telling me to let go of all of it. Give it up. Only then, can I truly follow Him to places that are way beyond me.
This is a strange time that I’m in. It shouldn’t be, I guess. I should be in the habit of surrender, but obviously, it’s a new thing. I hope it lasts, I hope I maintain this focus.
But man, it’s hard.
Someday I’ll share the story of my life and all that’s going on right now. It might be interesting and it might encourage someone, once I understand surrender.