Letting go so I can do more

This is an interesting time for me lately. As I have indicated, I have had to make some difficult decisions, and I know I have not said much more than that. I feel like it makes sense to share some of events now. Mary and I have prayed a lot the last couple of weeks, seeking wisdom in our lives and doing our best to understand God’s will, even though this is a time when God’s will does not match my perfect plan. It was about 3:30 one morning last week, after talking and praying all night, that we knew what it was I needed to do.

I have always been up front on here about who I am and what I’m about and what it is that I do. I have never intended or tried to give the impression that I was something different than what I am and that’s why it makes sense to do this now.

For nearly the last 2 years, I have been the sole volunteer tech guy at my church. The opportunity was presented 2 years ago to get involved, as there was a definite void in that area, and I didn’t think twice about it. It has been a tremendous experience and a time of learning and growth. Before I began, I had a real desire to get involved with churches and technology and the last couple of years in my church has helped define where it is that I feel God is leading me.

Overall, it’s been good, however, last week, I made the decision to step down. This is by far, the most difficult decision I have ever made in my life. I have such a passion for technology in the church, obviously, and here I am walking away from it. I love my church too.

However, things have changed, both for myself and within my church. The changes in the church are not necessarily bad and can probably be attributed to growing pains and the changes in me are not bad, either. They can also be attributed to growing pains. I am becoming busier lately with other things I am pursuing professionally and making this separation makes sense for me right now. I need to get away, I need the freedom to pursue something new.

The week of Thanksgiving was my time to evaluate and seek God. God made it clear that it was time to go, however, I kept trying to stretch it out and make it last a little longer. Every way that I tried to justify to myself to continue, God shut me down. Man, that’s hard. It’s hard at times to get my mind around it, why in the world am I walking away from the comfort and convenience of a known thing, such as my church and serving in the way that I do? Why God?

The answer of why is not clear, but the fact that now is the time is clear. I feel like I’m pulling back in preparation for whatever is next in God’s will for my life and Mary’s life. What is next? I dunno. It’s not really that clear, in fact, it’s not clear at all, but it is exciting. To be quite honest, the decision feels right and I feel free to do more.

This is definitely God’s will, but it is hard to let go and walk away from my comfort zone, but it is necessary.

So, that’s what’s going on. The night that Mary and I stayed up most of the night discussing and praying about these things, and making decisions about what was best for us, my main thought was God is first. Nothing else. My focus needs to be on God and my faith needs to be in God. His will is far greater than my ambitions and plans.

In the end, I decided I needed to step back from everything that I was a part of. I have basically looked at each element individually and it surprised me how many different areas of ministry I touched, but for me, at this point, I needed to step back from everything. What a free feeling it is. I can now focus more on what’s next. I’m not washing my hands of church tech, I’m just transitioning to minister in a new way and in a way that is beyond anything that I could do on my own.

I am blown away by the support of close friends, as they have really surrounded Mary and I with love and support. This is a series of events in our life that satan has really attacked and it has all worked for God’s glory. Mary and I are more focused on God and seeking His will more than ever. We don’t know what is next but letting go of many things in my life that I was perhaps holding onto too tightly is the first step. Now my hands are open and He can begin to truly use me.

I have felt that change was coming for awhile and the change is not over, it’s probably just the beginning. My life is in God’s hands now and all I can do is trust Him.

Interesting thing, I just got off the phone with a pastor friend tonight, a man that I have gotten to know over the last several months. In our last conversation, which wasn’t that long ago, he said that his church was just too small to really be able to do anything new with technology. He called me tonight to discuss some things that he wants to look into to benefit the ministry of his church and he wants me to help him. So, a new opportunity is in front of me. Somehow it seems that by me being faithful and doing the thing that seems to totally go against my heart, God is reassuring me that it was the right decision and this is just the beginning of where He is leading me.

All I can say now is use me Lord, continue leading me to new opportunities and show me the work You want me to do.