Who Says I Can’t…Followup
Posted on July 12, 2007
I really didn’t finish my thought on the last post, I was in a hurry and just wanted to get something up and now I wish I would have slowed down. My bad.The last post opens the thought and the this one should finish it. The reality is that we might have to say we can’t because we really can’t, due to time constraints or lack of money or lack of other resources or whatever, but to only say we can’t is the same as saying no, I’m not going to help and that’s weak, at best.
I’ve identified a few variations of effectively using “can’t”:
- A qualified I can’t: I can’t let you set up your hot dog stand in the church lobby on Sunday morning because that doesn’t fit into any area of ministry of this church.
- A redirected I can’t: I can’t help you with that but let’s go talk to Joe, he’s probably better able to be involved with this.
- A bounce back I can’t: I can’t take the lead on your new ministry idea, but it sounds like you really have a heart for it. Let’s talk about what we need to do to empower you and get it going.
- A bounce back variation I can’t (Clint’s suggestion): I can’t do that right now, my ministry plate is full, but may I perhaps help you to minister effectively in that capacity?
The last one is from Clint’s comment on the last post and he really, unknowingly, completed my thought.
The point is to not shut people down but either help them or redirect them toward the appropriate channels or at the very least, give an explanation if the request is not in line with the ministry of your church.
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Rather than saying “I can’t, but …” try something like this:
“Your hotdog idea can be done out in the parking lot.”
“The person you should talk with about that is Joe.”
“That’s a great idea. How could I help YOU do that?”
“What are YOUR ideas for how it could be done?”
“Here is a task for YOU to do that would help us evaluate the idea.”
The first is an example of: the idea is okay but your specific suggested solution doesn’t work. Here’s another solution that does work.
The second is a rephrased version of your redirected I can’t.
The third is a rephrased version of your bounce back.
The fourth and fifth are the tried and true method of giving the requester something to do. If they’re not serious, the idea dies right there. If they are serious, they go do the homework and come back. Then you know you have a comitted person who isn’t just trying to dump something on you. Serious people who are trying to get things done always get my attention.